I am a student who failed once, in the most important matter, what I was dropped from a university because of academic incompetence. I have to put myself together once more. In the new environment, De Anza College, I am once more awarded the ticket of pursuing my dream in the United States of America. In my life of being alone, I have learned gradually, how to be open and fair mined.
When I was a high school back in China, I was an honorable student with many prizes and rewards. By the confidence of my English skills, I have chosen International Baccalaureate in high school and my aim was going to complete my American dream. Before I was graduated, I have already received five school admission from Wisconsin, including one of the best medical school, University of Wisconsin, Madison. Without hesitation, I decided to go to the campus disregarding all other opposition against mine by arguing the rigid weather, cultural shocks and most importantly, my personal attitude. Through the victory of stepping towards America, I have ignored the barriers placed in front of me. When I arrived at the campus center, my first question was how to transfer all my IB credits. Though my adviser kindly conveyed her thoughts of transferring all my credits, I treated those as empty phrases. I took Calculus III, Organic Chemistry, Analytical Chemistry and Engineering Motion in the first semester, in my freshman year. All my friends thought I was crazy, I did not think so. I treated the college life as before in high school. I skipped many classes, went to parties all weekends, and studied only once per month. In the end of the first semester, I received my “reasonable” grade, two withdraws, one D and one F. However, I was placed into a probation of course, but I did not want to acknowledge what I had done was wrong. I continued to spend my life in waste, though I took easier classes than the first semester. The result was clear, after having three Ds by the end of second semester, I have received my dropping notice, because of the GPA.
This was a disaster to me, I could never think of that I would be dropped from the college because of my grade. I had all honors in high school, I had all respects in my high school, I had all applause in high school. How could I end up with this kicked out from the college? How should I face my successful classmates, who did not have a better standing than mine in high school? I could not believe it; I could not understand it, I could not accept it. I was totally frustrated. I felt the darkness had swept across my body. I wanted to dismiss my dreams, let it bury with the soil, and I was about to give up everything.
One day, my parents went to my room and I was laying in my bed. They asked me about my feelings. I responded nothing. They said that you should put yourself together once more. Took what you had left. I respond nothing. Then my father slapped the desk really hard, then almost shouted, “BE A MAN.” I was scared at first, and I was almost cried out “ I don't know what the (fuck) to do.” I was angry, everybody else in my family was angry. That day was finished off by I went sleepless first time in my life. I kept re-thinking the words that my father shouted. “Be a man, be a man, be a man. What is a man? A man never gives up, a man always has hope, and a man always censors what he had done.” I rambled in my bed and could not go to sleep. I went to my balcony for a cigarette. I got the balcony, and I saw the living room was still shining. It was my father, cans of beer and a pack of cigarette. He quit already, now he picked it up again. My eyes were wet. I felt his depress. I understood a man must be responsible for what he had done, because it was my father's supports to send me to the United States for studying. He was old, so old. His hairs were white, glasses were thick and back was hunched. If I am a man, I shall be a part of the family now, and I shall share a part of the responsibility. Now I have totally understood. What is a real man. A real man did make mistakes, but a real man learned from the mistakes, and prevent it from being made again. I am a man, I have made this biggest mistake in my life. But I am fortunate, I have made this mistake in an early stage of life so I have enough time to correct it. To correct all my mistakes, I shall make changes.
By that day tomorrow, I went to find my father and we had a long talk. I shared him what I thought last night, and he looked happier. He advised me to look for the mistakes for myself. For what I had concluded that day, I was an arrogant, subjective and defensive person.
The way of correction was hard. It was my personal wrong of attitudes. I turned back to whom I was sometimes. And my father was always there, and he pointed out to me so I could find out. One day, my parents and I were watching TV, and we had discussed an interesting question of the Soviet Union and Germany in the World War II. I had cited many resources to prove my point. After we had finished the debate, my father suddenly said that he had found the way I proved to him he could accept it nicely. I did not quite understand him at first, then we deeply discussed it. He said that it was from the debate we just had had. He said that my objectiveness and critical thinking skills were good to communicate with others. After the discussion, he went to me and told me, “Hey, Kevin, you are ready to go again.”
Yes, I am ready. I conquered the hardship for what I could not have an opportunity to take a closer look of my mental weaknesses in my life. Those mental weaknesses were so well hidden that I did not find them in my entire middle and high school years. Thanks to the failure, I have learned to be successful. Thanks to the immature acts, I have learned to be mature. Thanks to my close mined, I have learned to be open minded. Thanks to the De Anza College, I stand up one more time to wish to achieve my American dream. I have faith, because I had lost faith. I am going to succeed, because I know the taste of failure.
